Dream Unfulfilled.

Looks like I may have to change the  name or delete this blog.

I have become extremely discouraged waiting to go to Abu Dhabi.  I received my visa and itinerary the end of August, but my name was wrong and was told they were going to fix it.  Today is October 4, and still no news.  Its discouraging, depressing, distressing, and I don't think I can do it any more.  The rumor on Facebook today was no more tickets will be issued until after Eid, a Muslim Holiday, which will occur Oct 13-19.  If that is the case, we will not be leaving until close to November.  There are so many reasons this is not acceptable.

1. We have no health insurance and can not afford the Cobra premiums on just Chuck's disability payments.  I have no income coming in.  What savings I had, are almost gone. Chuck's medications will soon need to be refilled. If we wait and go in November, he will have maybe 2-3 weeks of meds. We will have to rush to find a doctor an money to get his medicines.  I just do not see how this will be possible.

2. I was told to be ready to leave the first two weeks in August. Then the first week in September. Then end of September. ADEC wants  you all over there by September 18th. Well, its October 4, and several of us are still here with no idea, and I mean NO IDEA when we will be going over.  Meanwhile ADEC and the recruiting company are interviewing for new teachers to go over in January.  This does not seem fair to those of us waiting.  I have made friends with some administrators who are going over. They were told all the teachers would be sent over prior to the administrators. Today I found out the administrators are starting to receive their flight information. I still know nothing.

3. If we wait much longer, the few jobs that are available here, will not be available much longer. I need to move now.  As it is, they will be on a interim basis and I will not be guaranteed a job next year.  I have given up my tenure and basically will have to work 2 years to get it back...if that is even an option in NC anymore.

I have not made this decision lightly.  I want to go to Abu Dhabi.  I feel not going I am giving up any opportunity I may have to be out of debt, possibly buy a house, travel abroad. So much I feel like I am giving up.  I have to think long term also.  So unless God sees it willing to send me my visa and ticket prior to someone offering me a job.  I'm giving up.

I'm still here.....

And I'm not happy about it.  I'm trying hard to remain positive, but as funds dwindle, it so does any optimistic thought I ever had.

I'm struggling with the idea of staying.  We have very little money, but enough to rent us a place and begin, slowly again.  At least I could keep my car.  We are going to end up in Abu Dhabi with very little money and almost two months before a paycheck, so what is the difference.

What really makes things hard is seeing all those who have gone ahead of me. They are settling into their new lives, new jobs, and I just sit here an wait.  Waiting keeps getting worse and worse.  Longer and longer.  I get more depressed as the days go by.  And the thought of waiting without a car, well, lets not even go there.

I try to walk everyday...it doesn't help much.

I try reading everyday...keeping up with my devotionals.....not helping much.

What I want to do is crawl into bed with chocolate.

But, Chuck makes me wait...and wait...and wait.

Hee Haw Re-deux

***DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED***

Gloom, despair, and agony on me Deep, dark depression, excessive misery If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all Gloom, despair, and agony on me

Yep that is me....feeling sorry for myself.  Depressed, wondering, doubting, etc.

It has been a  little over a week since I was issued my visa and itinerary in my "old" name, Robin Blake.  I changed it after my divorce and went back to my maiden name, Van Dorn.  When I began this journey, I had changed my name on everything except my passport.  So that meant in order to fly, have matching ID's, I had to change it on my passport, which I did.  But both passports were submitted to the recruiting company, and guess which one the immigration department in the UAE issued my visa to.  Of course.  Only good thing I can say, is I'm glad I didn't change my last name, again, when I got remarried in July 2012.

Gloom, watching others get their "golden tickets" this past weekend.  I'm excited for them, gloomy for me.  I could have been there already.  If only, if only.  Instead, I'm still here at my in laws, waiting.  My in laws have been wonderful, putting up with us for the past month or so, however, I thought we would be setting up our own home in a new country at my new job.

Despair, as I watch our savings, the money we were hoping to take with us, to get us through until the first paycheck, dwindle, dwindle, dwindle.  On the bright side, those who are already there are posting how cheaply they can eat over there, but it scares me.  We will be on the other side of the country, with no family, no help, no one to rely on but ourselves.  What if something happens?  Then what? 

Agony, as I watch my friends here at home, and those Facebook/Footprints/UAE EMT friends start the new school year.  I have not worked since June.  I always anticipate summer break, however, when August nears the end, I'm ready to go back to work.  Not because I'm broke, but because I have caught up on all the DVR episodes, read everything I could get my hands on, cleaned everything in site, played all the Farmville 2 I could possibly want, and am completely bored.  Instead, I'm still best friends with Netflix and Directv On Demand, found a new addiction (Thank you Candy Crush addicts, I've joined your club), and have decided I need to nap every day and not sleep every night.

Excessive misery, as I think about what will happen if my ticket never does arrive.  Our dream of getting out of debt, shattered. Trying to start all over again with very little money and only the clothes we have in our suitcases, depressing.  Looking for a job, or worst yet, going  back to my old district (which always has jobs open) and begging for a job back, deep dark depression. Mostly, trying to decide where we want to start our new/old/poor lives, if we don't make it to Abu Dhabi, more agony, since I'm in no state to make decisions.  I can't even decide what I want to eat, let alone where I want to live.  

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have not luck at all.  My father in law has been in the hospital with bronchitis and pneumonia since Thursday.  My daughter is law is telling me how my grandboys are missing me, making my heart ache. I haven't seen my youngest son, his wife and kids in almost 3 years, and don't know when I will ever see them again.  My husband seems to believe everything will work out, its God's will.  Me, I'm stressed, worried, scared, anxious, and tired of waiting.

Roller Coaster Ride

Friday, August 30, 2013....I opened my email to find my itinerary to Abu Dhabi. Then I inspected my visa, issued in my old name, old passport.  Dang.....now it has to go back to the Abu Dhabi Education Council (ADEC) and immigration to be issued so it matches my passport.  I did submit my new passport, but somehow they got mixed up.  I'm not the only one this has happened to, but instead of flying out tomorrow, I'm still waiting.

I'm still trying to find ways to past the time.  I was going to apply to substitute teach, but with the information and documentation they need, and having to take the substitute training class, I should be in AD before I complete the requirements.

Knitting....well.....I've made eight scarves, nine if you count the one I made, tore apart and made it differently.  I'm bored with knitting.

Visiting....have visited friends, dinner, sight seeing.....but being limited on funds, well, we stopped sight seeing...no more mountain visits (Sorry Biltmore, I still will not get inside your walls and feast my eyes on your historic gardens, but may find some cash to tour your winery).

I'm almost finished with the second season of Breaking Bad.  My Farmville 2 farm is thriving.  I've read several novels.  Still haven't figured out how to download Candy Crush Saga on my Kindle. Dyed my hair to cover my grays. Slept and slept some more.

I'm learning patience. I'm tired of learning...ready to work. And ready to be here.....

Distractions, Distractions, Who has a distraction?

Well, wait it getting tough.  I was hoping we would have been out of US by now and in Abu Dhabi, but here we are, still waiting.  I know the education council has to process the visas of over 900 teachers, and some bringing their families, but it is tough.  So I'm looking for distractions.

One: Watching Being Human on Netflix, UK version. However, I'm on the second to last season, and know the final season just began on BBC America, so I'm trying not to rush it and not have another season to finish it up.

Two: Sitting on my in-laws front porch.  I park my wide rear in the wide rocking chair and absorb the surroundings.  I look in awe at the tomato plants, growing recklessly out of the containers near the hand railing.  Wondering if I will be able to grow tomatoes in Abu Dhabi. I love fresh tomatoes. I watch the humming birds hover and eat from the feeder, wondering how they keep they are able to hover, in one spot, their wings a blur.  The humming birds put on a show, racing, chasing, swerving in and out of porch posts, daily.  In the silence of the early evening, you can even hear their wings flutter back and forth, or up and down, in a blur of gray and black.

Three: Searching the internet for knitting patterns to make something I can squeeze into my suitcase. Success, a scarf.  After a trip to Micheals for materials, I have completed one and am almost finished with the second.  I've already given them away to family members close by, thus necessitating another trip, this time to Walmart, for four more balls of varying hues, perhaps I will get one for myself.

Here is the first one, the start and finished product (If you can get past my Toby Keith Tee)

So folks, if you have more ideas to keep me distracted, while waiting, and trying not to check my email every half hour, please share.

Awaiting the Golden Ticket

The test in patience has begun.  Footprints notified us we should receive our tickets this week.  Several have already received their's, I have not.  I'm waiting, patiently, as I hear this is the first step in surviving in the desert.

Chuck and I spent the last week with Kristi and her family.  We got to see Shelina and the grandbabies.  We are back at his mom's, awaiting the golden ticket.

Kristi's hubby, Doug, broke out his tattoo guns and creative energy for us.  

I originally wanted this on my foot. However, moving to Abu Dhabi, I realize I do not need to have this in an area visible, especially at work.  Chuck wanted something to represent his struggles for the past year and half.  Here is his diabetes awareness ribbon.

Doug did a wonderful job.  We are both very pleased with his work.

This week will include tying up loose ends. Prescriptions to fill, papers to notarize, and we need to get our wills witnessed and notarized.  I will once again try to get my suitcases under weight, figure out how I will carry my computer, since it makes my carry-on overweight.  But the adventure will begin, and I should be in Abu Dhabi by the end of the month.

Insha'Allah (God Willing)

Homeless????

It is has been almost two weeks since we moved out of our rental home and have relied on the kindness of friends and family.  I am anxiously awaiting the email with tickets and a departure date. Though that means I will be without Chuck for a month or two.

While we are "homeless" we are visiting family and friends.  I also took Chuck to Niagara Falls, Canadian side.  He had never been there, and we had to use those passports.

I am so thankful for my friend/sister, Martha, and her son, Carey, for allowing us to stay with them.  We had a great time.  I have even convinced them to put bunk beds in the craft room so Chuck and I can move in when we return from Abu Dhabi.

The saddest part of our trip to NY was not seeing everyone.  I saw my parents, and two of my sisters and their families.  But we just didn't have the time and extra funds to visit everyone.  I am so sorry I missed them.  Chuck also just does not have the stamina to do those all day day trips.  His heart is in it, but the body just does not cooperate.

We are spending this week with Chuck's parents.  Hopefully next week we will head to Kentucky to visit his girls before we leave.  I only have about 2 and half weeks before departure.  It seems like it is dragging by.

It has begun

Yesterday was a tough day.  I said goodbye to my son, daughter in law and three of my beautiful grandchildren. Then another goodbye to my sister in law.  Our car was loaded with everything we now own....and we headed east to visit more family before we leave.

I never had any doubts about this journey, until now.  Seeing those grandbabies faces, and knowing I won't hold them again until next year, at this time. I'm so thankful for Skype as I will be able to see them continue to grow.  But I will miss those hugs and kisses.  These are only 3 of the 9 we will get to say goodbye to. The other two live in California, with my son and his wife, whom I have not been able to see in the past 2 years.

Today we will continue our trek north.  We will stay with a dear friend while we visit my mom and step dad, my dad and step mom, and more of the family, I hope.  This will be the first time my family will meet my new husband, Chuck.  I hope they can take this North Carolinian Mountain boy.

We will be visiting and traveling as much as we can afford to do, until August 9.  I have been given a time line of August 9-15 to fly out. That, in itself, was quite nerve wracking. I realize, in less than a month, I will be living in another country, half way around the world.  I have been to Canada quite a few times, growing up so close to the border, but never been half way around the world. This is what I have chosen, and I will be safe, with God on my side.  As they say in Abu Dhabi, Insha'Allah, (God Willing), I will post again soon.

Doubts? or am I just overwhelmed?

I'm tired of doing all this.  Tired of trying to clean the house out, making plans, packing, cancelling things, etc.

I am certain this is what I want to do.  Chuck and I discussed last night how I have no doubts, fears, anxiety about moving to another country for work.  How I feel comfortable in our decision to go.  I just wish I could blink my eyes, and bob my head, and all the work that has to be done is done.  I just want it over. I wan the house empty and clean. I want my stuff packed, stored, donated or thrown away.  I want to be on my way to start my new life.  Five days, that's it, Five days and we need to be out.....

and then......

we rely on the kindness of friends and family until the plane tickets arrive.

I'll miss you Bighead

Jackson is at  his new home.  I think I will take another nap.

What a WEEK!!!!!!

Overwhelming, not the work. Seriously, things are moving right along, and my emotions don't have time to react.

Today, the hardest. Well, Saturday will be the hardest, but still today has been tough.  We decided to rehome our dog, our baby.  This is extremely difficult task.  Jackson came to live with us after my husband, Chuck, had is stroke last year.  He was just 5 weeks old.  Chuck and Jackson are best friends.  After arrangements we made fell through, and others could not help out, we had few choices. In a perfect world, we would have someone care for Jackson until we could send for him, but there are so many unknowns. We don't know where I will be placed. We don't know if the housing we will be placed in will allow pets. We don't know how much, or even if we can afford to send him.  So, I found a home for him.  I talked to the daughter of the woman who will take Jackson. She sounds like she will be perfect for him.  Her daughter told me that when she watches her dog, she will go through drive through at McDonald's and buy him a burger.  Chuck just cooks him one.  She lets her daughter's dog sleep and cuddle in bed with her.  Jackson sleeps and cuddles in the recliners on us.  But still, I feel like I'm giving up a child.  I worry about Chuck's reaction.  I sometimes believe he loves that dog more than me.  Its going to be a tough weekend.

All of my paper work has been submitted to Footprints so ADEC can process my Visa.  I had to go through a different agency to get my FBI background check. However, I received my results in minute, where as I mailed the FBI application out mid May.  I'm glad I did, especially when I read post from another girl saying all our paperwork had to be in by July 7th.

I have started just giving stuff away. We have had 2 or 3 yard sales, and sold most of the large household materials.  There is nothing else really worth any money, and I don't want to "nickel and dime" bargain anymore.  I just want stuff gone.

Tonight was my last night of work at Carolina Mudcats.  I have worked on and off there for the past 10 years.  I love my Mudcat folks.  They gave me a little going away party of cupcakes, cookie cake, and Doritos.  I will truly miss every one of them there.


Tomorrow, I'm delivering family photos and my Carolina Hurricanes collectibles to my son.  This, too, will be tough to part with.  I am realizing, though, that this whole process is a process of letting go.

Letting go....and discovering new things.

Tough tasks.

Will we ever be ready?

This is what I am dealing with, daily. Stuff! Stuff! and more STUFF!! I don't know what to do with it all.  It is overwhelming to look at, think about, worry about.  It is driving me crazy. Every time I get some things sorted out....I find more to go through.  I just don't know what to do with it all.  We were blessed by the tenant moving in here bought most of the larger items.  But the smaller ones are just overwhelming to deal with.  I hate the idea of throwing it away if someone, anyone, can use any of it.  

I have become addicted to anything Abu Dhabi related on Facebook.  I'm visiting pages, chatting with others, day dreaming, which isn't helping my dilemma in this house at all. I have read what others have posted, asked questions, and learned a ton.  I'm going to experience culture shock again, the first when I moved to the south.  It seems things are a little less scheduled than here.  The majority of the people I have spoke with have enjoyed their time in Abu Dhabi, many are starting their 3 or 4th year there. I'm nervous, anxious, and excited, all rolled into one.

Well, better get to work...and stop playing.

Decisions,

I just read another blog from a teacher heading over to Abu Dhabi the same time I am.  Same thoughts, same feelings.

http://audrarayeabroad.wordpress.com

Since school let out last week, I have been through a continual whirlwind of emotions, decisions, doubts.  Making decisions daily about the 30 plus years of pure "stuff" to go through and decide what to do with.  When I moved to NC from NY, I had two children to do this with, but it was easier, because I knew we were taking some of our belongings with us. I can't afford to ship personal belongings, so we need to get rid of them.  Each items brings memories and doubts.

Recently, the hardest decision is Jackson, our dog.  My step daughter can not take him, as we planned.  We don't know where we will be placed in Abu Dhabi so do not know if taking him with us is even possible.  Chuck (the hubby) is not handling this situation well. And mornings, when he curls up on my lap and sleeps, like today, make it hard for me, also.  Thankfully, my son Chad and his wife, Sarah, are taking my cat. I have had Wendell for 8 years, and love that fat snobby cat.

Worries about medical treatment for Chuck have also surfaced as I read about the difficulty getting pain medicine and anti-depressants in the UAE.  Both of these he needs since his stroke.  It scares me.

On the other hand, the excitement of this adventure grows.  Chuck is afraid I will be disappointed if I keep getting my expectation set so high.  I have had the opportunity to join Facebook groups that allow me to ask other EMT (English Medium Teachers), who are already in the UAE, questions that I have.  I have also joined groups of teachers who are heading over there the same time I am.  Its exciting to meet new people, even if it is only online.

In the meantime, I have to work on getting things out of this house, plan on what I am taking with me, and take care of all the loose ends so I will be prepared when the ticket comes.  I will have anywhere between 24 hour to 7 days to be on the plane to leave.  Scary!!!

But I have always loved Adventure.

Anticipation, a waiting game.

Can't wait to be surrounded by beaches, sand (even in the desert) and to experience the new culture. But the waiting game comes first.

I submitted my documents to GoProEx and was told I should have them back by June 27.  Which is good, since I am still waiting for the FBI background check, which was the first thing I sent away for.  My new passport has come in and I really am doing well, according to Footprints Recruiting.  I'm just an impatient person and want it all done, NOW.

I have plenty of things to do before we leave.  We are having our second yard sale tomorrow.  We plan on being out of the house by July 15th.  So much to get rid of, and to be honest, so much cleaning to be done.  I have let things slack a bit since I knew we would be moving.

I have been doing a lot of research about Abu Dhabi. I'm trying to decide what to take, clothing wise.  I know it will be hot, but it is a Muslim country, and I know I need to respect their traditions.   The sleeveless dresses and shirts will probably be left behind.  I have purchased some used linen blazers and shirts, but really hoping I'm at a school that requires an abaya. Then dressing each day will be easy.

Reality

There are so many thoughts going through  my head today.  I"m not even sure I can make a coherent  thought, let alone a post.

Tomorrow is my last day with US students for a while. There are some really sweet kids in my classes I am going to miss.  I told all classes on Friday I was not coming back and I was moving to Abu Dhabi.  I gave them my email and my blog address.  I am hoping some of them stay in contact.

I joined a Facebook group for Footprints teachers going to teach in Abu Dhabi. Information is flowing, question being answered, and more questions being brought up. Everything from dress code to whether we are bringing our beloved pets.  I have made arrangements for both Jackson and Wendell, but I am sad to leave them behind.  I plan on getting them back when we come back.  But I feel like I'm leaving a part of me behind.

I'm slowly trying to get rid of everything in the house, including some clothing. I knew the dress code would be business professional, but upon further discussion it seems I should plan on showing no wrists, no ankles, and no collar bone.  Doing the no wrist and ankles, I don't think will be a problem.  Maxi dresses, pants and long sleeve shirts great.  But no collar bone?  I don't really want to wear turtlenecks in the desert. Finding long sleeve, button down shirts are even difficult to find in the summer. Another Footprints teacher and I are hoping we get to wear Abayas.  They are beautiful and nice, easy way to dress for work, no deep thought needed.

One of the problems with the Facebook group is so many are through their authentication process.  I'm still patiently awaiting the arrival of my degree from NY, my FBI background check, and my passport with my current name on it.  I'm afraid it will hold up the visa process, making my departure later.  Then again, just looking at this house, the amount of stuff in it, and unwillingness of both Chuck and I, to get rid of certain items, I feel like this is never going to happen.

Each day, one day, slowly, and I will be there.

Hugs for my students

I have slowly begun to tell my students I wasn't coming back next year and using Google Earth to show them where I am going.  After all, I'm headed right into the area we have been studying this year.  I showed one class some of the photos that are on Google Earth.  However, when my fourth core class came in this afternoon, one of my favorite students asks, "Are you leaving me, Mrs. Van Dorn?" It about broke my heart.

Patience

I seem to be in a hurry up and wait mode on my Abu Dhabi relocation process. My FBI background check has been mailed out. I did see where many other EMT (English Medium Teachers) used a private agency to get their background check back within hours if not days. Me, I used FBI, and it can take 6 weeks....uggghh.

 My college diploma has been sent to SUNY Brockport, then Monroe County Clerk, and should be at the Secretary of State in New York's office by now. I can not send the rest of my documents off for authentication by the US State Department and UAE Embassy until I have the degree back from NY. I could, but it will be easier to send all documents at once.

 Lastly, awaiting the arrival of my updated passport. Had to send it in to get the name changed. I did not think I would need it so I never changed my name on it.

 Other things, we are in the last 3 days of school. Kids are restless and I don't blame them. I have gathered a lot of swag to use as give a-ways for them tomorrow. We are going to play some end of year Jeopardy tomorrow and Monday. I really plan on using students who come to school Monday to work in my room. Keep them busy cleaning desks, chairs, organizing books. All the fun stuff! They still enjoy doing these things for the teacher at this age.

 Until next time.
 Robin

Job Offer

I received my Job Offer letter yesterday. Accepted it. I'm anxiously awaiting my contract. Still working on authentication of documents.

Abu Dhabi Bound???

This year, over spring break, I was approached, via email, with a great opportunity. A recruiting company contacted me through Linkedin about a teaching opportunity in Abu Dhabi. I almost deleted the email, thinking it was spam or phishing or something. However, I followed the links and decided, why not give it a try. I submitted my resume, and soon there after, was asked to complete some paperwork. Next thing I know, I was scheduling a Skype interview with the recruiting company. The night of the Skype interview, my computer is diagnosed with a virus. I spent three hours online with Dell customer service, running right into the time for my interview. I couldn't figure out Chuck's computer to get on Skype. Stressing and fretting, I finally was able to contact the recruiting company, and discovered they were also having technological issues and we had to reschedule for the next night. The Skype interview went off without a hitch. Found out that evening that I passed the interview and would have more paper work to complete. I complete it that weekend and sent it off. It seemed like forever before I was contacted with a place and time for person to person interview in NYC. A hastily made trip, an agonizing wait, and I found out on Tuesday I had been recommended for a position with Abu Dhabi Public Schools. Now I wait. For an official offer. I am trying to be patient and know that God is in control. This opportunity provides so much for Chuck and myself.