Hee Haw Re-deux

***DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED***

Gloom, despair, and agony on me Deep, dark depression, excessive misery If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all Gloom, despair, and agony on me

Yep that is me....feeling sorry for myself.  Depressed, wondering, doubting, etc.

It has been a  little over a week since I was issued my visa and itinerary in my "old" name, Robin Blake.  I changed it after my divorce and went back to my maiden name, Van Dorn.  When I began this journey, I had changed my name on everything except my passport.  So that meant in order to fly, have matching ID's, I had to change it on my passport, which I did.  But both passports were submitted to the recruiting company, and guess which one the immigration department in the UAE issued my visa to.  Of course.  Only good thing I can say, is I'm glad I didn't change my last name, again, when I got remarried in July 2012.

Gloom, watching others get their "golden tickets" this past weekend.  I'm excited for them, gloomy for me.  I could have been there already.  If only, if only.  Instead, I'm still here at my in laws, waiting.  My in laws have been wonderful, putting up with us for the past month or so, however, I thought we would be setting up our own home in a new country at my new job.

Despair, as I watch our savings, the money we were hoping to take with us, to get us through until the first paycheck, dwindle, dwindle, dwindle.  On the bright side, those who are already there are posting how cheaply they can eat over there, but it scares me.  We will be on the other side of the country, with no family, no help, no one to rely on but ourselves.  What if something happens?  Then what? 

Agony, as I watch my friends here at home, and those Facebook/Footprints/UAE EMT friends start the new school year.  I have not worked since June.  I always anticipate summer break, however, when August nears the end, I'm ready to go back to work.  Not because I'm broke, but because I have caught up on all the DVR episodes, read everything I could get my hands on, cleaned everything in site, played all the Farmville 2 I could possibly want, and am completely bored.  Instead, I'm still best friends with Netflix and Directv On Demand, found a new addiction (Thank you Candy Crush addicts, I've joined your club), and have decided I need to nap every day and not sleep every night.

Excessive misery, as I think about what will happen if my ticket never does arrive.  Our dream of getting out of debt, shattered. Trying to start all over again with very little money and only the clothes we have in our suitcases, depressing.  Looking for a job, or worst yet, going  back to my old district (which always has jobs open) and begging for a job back, deep dark depression. Mostly, trying to decide where we want to start our new/old/poor lives, if we don't make it to Abu Dhabi, more agony, since I'm in no state to make decisions.  I can't even decide what I want to eat, let alone where I want to live.  

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have not luck at all.  My father in law has been in the hospital with bronchitis and pneumonia since Thursday.  My daughter is law is telling me how my grandboys are missing me, making my heart ache. I haven't seen my youngest son, his wife and kids in almost 3 years, and don't know when I will ever see them again.  My husband seems to believe everything will work out, its God's will.  Me, I'm stressed, worried, scared, anxious, and tired of waiting.