Dream Unfulfilled.

Looks like I may have to change the  name or delete this blog.

I have become extremely discouraged waiting to go to Abu Dhabi.  I received my visa and itinerary the end of August, but my name was wrong and was told they were going to fix it.  Today is October 4, and still no news.  Its discouraging, depressing, distressing, and I don't think I can do it any more.  The rumor on Facebook today was no more tickets will be issued until after Eid, a Muslim Holiday, which will occur Oct 13-19.  If that is the case, we will not be leaving until close to November.  There are so many reasons this is not acceptable.

1. We have no health insurance and can not afford the Cobra premiums on just Chuck's disability payments.  I have no income coming in.  What savings I had, are almost gone. Chuck's medications will soon need to be refilled. If we wait and go in November, he will have maybe 2-3 weeks of meds. We will have to rush to find a doctor an money to get his medicines.  I just do not see how this will be possible.

2. I was told to be ready to leave the first two weeks in August. Then the first week in September. Then end of September. ADEC wants  you all over there by September 18th. Well, its October 4, and several of us are still here with no idea, and I mean NO IDEA when we will be going over.  Meanwhile ADEC and the recruiting company are interviewing for new teachers to go over in January.  This does not seem fair to those of us waiting.  I have made friends with some administrators who are going over. They were told all the teachers would be sent over prior to the administrators. Today I found out the administrators are starting to receive their flight information. I still know nothing.

3. If we wait much longer, the few jobs that are available here, will not be available much longer. I need to move now.  As it is, they will be on a interim basis and I will not be guaranteed a job next year.  I have given up my tenure and basically will have to work 2 years to get it back...if that is even an option in NC anymore.

I have not made this decision lightly.  I want to go to Abu Dhabi.  I feel not going I am giving up any opportunity I may have to be out of debt, possibly buy a house, travel abroad. So much I feel like I am giving up.  I have to think long term also.  So unless God sees it willing to send me my visa and ticket prior to someone offering me a job.  I'm giving up.

I'm still here.....

And I'm not happy about it.  I'm trying hard to remain positive, but as funds dwindle, it so does any optimistic thought I ever had.

I'm struggling with the idea of staying.  We have very little money, but enough to rent us a place and begin, slowly again.  At least I could keep my car.  We are going to end up in Abu Dhabi with very little money and almost two months before a paycheck, so what is the difference.

What really makes things hard is seeing all those who have gone ahead of me. They are settling into their new lives, new jobs, and I just sit here an wait.  Waiting keeps getting worse and worse.  Longer and longer.  I get more depressed as the days go by.  And the thought of waiting without a car, well, lets not even go there.

I try to walk everyday...it doesn't help much.

I try reading everyday...keeping up with my devotionals.....not helping much.

What I want to do is crawl into bed with chocolate.

But, Chuck makes me wait...and wait...and wait.

Hee Haw Re-deux

***DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED***

Gloom, despair, and agony on me Deep, dark depression, excessive misery If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all Gloom, despair, and agony on me

Yep that is me....feeling sorry for myself.  Depressed, wondering, doubting, etc.

It has been a  little over a week since I was issued my visa and itinerary in my "old" name, Robin Blake.  I changed it after my divorce and went back to my maiden name, Van Dorn.  When I began this journey, I had changed my name on everything except my passport.  So that meant in order to fly, have matching ID's, I had to change it on my passport, which I did.  But both passports were submitted to the recruiting company, and guess which one the immigration department in the UAE issued my visa to.  Of course.  Only good thing I can say, is I'm glad I didn't change my last name, again, when I got remarried in July 2012.

Gloom, watching others get their "golden tickets" this past weekend.  I'm excited for them, gloomy for me.  I could have been there already.  If only, if only.  Instead, I'm still here at my in laws, waiting.  My in laws have been wonderful, putting up with us for the past month or so, however, I thought we would be setting up our own home in a new country at my new job.

Despair, as I watch our savings, the money we were hoping to take with us, to get us through until the first paycheck, dwindle, dwindle, dwindle.  On the bright side, those who are already there are posting how cheaply they can eat over there, but it scares me.  We will be on the other side of the country, with no family, no help, no one to rely on but ourselves.  What if something happens?  Then what? 

Agony, as I watch my friends here at home, and those Facebook/Footprints/UAE EMT friends start the new school year.  I have not worked since June.  I always anticipate summer break, however, when August nears the end, I'm ready to go back to work.  Not because I'm broke, but because I have caught up on all the DVR episodes, read everything I could get my hands on, cleaned everything in site, played all the Farmville 2 I could possibly want, and am completely bored.  Instead, I'm still best friends with Netflix and Directv On Demand, found a new addiction (Thank you Candy Crush addicts, I've joined your club), and have decided I need to nap every day and not sleep every night.

Excessive misery, as I think about what will happen if my ticket never does arrive.  Our dream of getting out of debt, shattered. Trying to start all over again with very little money and only the clothes we have in our suitcases, depressing.  Looking for a job, or worst yet, going  back to my old district (which always has jobs open) and begging for a job back, deep dark depression. Mostly, trying to decide where we want to start our new/old/poor lives, if we don't make it to Abu Dhabi, more agony, since I'm in no state to make decisions.  I can't even decide what I want to eat, let alone where I want to live.  

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have not luck at all.  My father in law has been in the hospital with bronchitis and pneumonia since Thursday.  My daughter is law is telling me how my grandboys are missing me, making my heart ache. I haven't seen my youngest son, his wife and kids in almost 3 years, and don't know when I will ever see them again.  My husband seems to believe everything will work out, its God's will.  Me, I'm stressed, worried, scared, anxious, and tired of waiting.

Roller Coaster Ride

Friday, August 30, 2013....I opened my email to find my itinerary to Abu Dhabi. Then I inspected my visa, issued in my old name, old passport.  Dang.....now it has to go back to the Abu Dhabi Education Council (ADEC) and immigration to be issued so it matches my passport.  I did submit my new passport, but somehow they got mixed up.  I'm not the only one this has happened to, but instead of flying out tomorrow, I'm still waiting.

I'm still trying to find ways to past the time.  I was going to apply to substitute teach, but with the information and documentation they need, and having to take the substitute training class, I should be in AD before I complete the requirements.

Knitting....well.....I've made eight scarves, nine if you count the one I made, tore apart and made it differently.  I'm bored with knitting.

Visiting....have visited friends, dinner, sight seeing.....but being limited on funds, well, we stopped sight seeing...no more mountain visits (Sorry Biltmore, I still will not get inside your walls and feast my eyes on your historic gardens, but may find some cash to tour your winery).

I'm almost finished with the second season of Breaking Bad.  My Farmville 2 farm is thriving.  I've read several novels.  Still haven't figured out how to download Candy Crush Saga on my Kindle. Dyed my hair to cover my grays. Slept and slept some more.

I'm learning patience. I'm tired of learning...ready to work. And ready to be here.....

Distractions, Distractions, Who has a distraction?

Well, wait it getting tough.  I was hoping we would have been out of US by now and in Abu Dhabi, but here we are, still waiting.  I know the education council has to process the visas of over 900 teachers, and some bringing their families, but it is tough.  So I'm looking for distractions.

One: Watching Being Human on Netflix, UK version. However, I'm on the second to last season, and know the final season just began on BBC America, so I'm trying not to rush it and not have another season to finish it up.

Two: Sitting on my in-laws front porch.  I park my wide rear in the wide rocking chair and absorb the surroundings.  I look in awe at the tomato plants, growing recklessly out of the containers near the hand railing.  Wondering if I will be able to grow tomatoes in Abu Dhabi. I love fresh tomatoes. I watch the humming birds hover and eat from the feeder, wondering how they keep they are able to hover, in one spot, their wings a blur.  The humming birds put on a show, racing, chasing, swerving in and out of porch posts, daily.  In the silence of the early evening, you can even hear their wings flutter back and forth, or up and down, in a blur of gray and black.

Three: Searching the internet for knitting patterns to make something I can squeeze into my suitcase. Success, a scarf.  After a trip to Micheals for materials, I have completed one and am almost finished with the second.  I've already given them away to family members close by, thus necessitating another trip, this time to Walmart, for four more balls of varying hues, perhaps I will get one for myself.

Here is the first one, the start and finished product (If you can get past my Toby Keith Tee)

So folks, if you have more ideas to keep me distracted, while waiting, and trying not to check my email every half hour, please share.

Awaiting the Golden Ticket

The test in patience has begun.  Footprints notified us we should receive our tickets this week.  Several have already received their's, I have not.  I'm waiting, patiently, as I hear this is the first step in surviving in the desert.

Chuck and I spent the last week with Kristi and her family.  We got to see Shelina and the grandbabies.  We are back at his mom's, awaiting the golden ticket.

Kristi's hubby, Doug, broke out his tattoo guns and creative energy for us.  

I originally wanted this on my foot. However, moving to Abu Dhabi, I realize I do not need to have this in an area visible, especially at work.  Chuck wanted something to represent his struggles for the past year and half.  Here is his diabetes awareness ribbon.

Doug did a wonderful job.  We are both very pleased with his work.

This week will include tying up loose ends. Prescriptions to fill, papers to notarize, and we need to get our wills witnessed and notarized.  I will once again try to get my suitcases under weight, figure out how I will carry my computer, since it makes my carry-on overweight.  But the adventure will begin, and I should be in Abu Dhabi by the end of the month.

Insha'Allah (God Willing)

Homeless????

It is has been almost two weeks since we moved out of our rental home and have relied on the kindness of friends and family.  I am anxiously awaiting the email with tickets and a departure date. Though that means I will be without Chuck for a month or two.

While we are "homeless" we are visiting family and friends.  I also took Chuck to Niagara Falls, Canadian side.  He had never been there, and we had to use those passports.

I am so thankful for my friend/sister, Martha, and her son, Carey, for allowing us to stay with them.  We had a great time.  I have even convinced them to put bunk beds in the craft room so Chuck and I can move in when we return from Abu Dhabi.

The saddest part of our trip to NY was not seeing everyone.  I saw my parents, and two of my sisters and their families.  But we just didn't have the time and extra funds to visit everyone.  I am so sorry I missed them.  Chuck also just does not have the stamina to do those all day day trips.  His heart is in it, but the body just does not cooperate.

We are spending this week with Chuck's parents.  Hopefully next week we will head to Kentucky to visit his girls before we leave.  I only have about 2 and half weeks before departure.  It seems like it is dragging by.